Love and Other Stuff

So, I've been waiting all day to sit down and write - I mean, I had the WHOLE thing planned out from beginning to end. Just as I was sitting down to open up the computer, I just so happened to look at my phone. Want to know what true disappointment and heartbreak looks like? Just look at the face of a military wife who missed an opportunity to talk to their husband. The only opportunity they've had for a week... ON VALENTINES DAY. 

Yeah. That's my life.

So please excuse me while I type the rest of my post through tears. Because as it is in life - particularly Marine Corps life I've learned - it goes on. So, even though at 10:45 my heart dropped to my toes, and it still hasn't quite recovered yet, let's do this thing.

---

Today is Valentines Day, and unlike the 95% of the female population who pretend to hate it, I personally love it. Life is hard, and everyone is so busy all of the time. I feel like the world pushes everyone to move a million miles a minute. And yes, while we all love our significant others and all of the other people who make up our lives, sometimes life passes us by and we don't have a chance to say so.

I think Valentines Day is an important day, because it's one day out of the calendar year where you stop what you're doing and say, "Thank you for being in my life. I love you, and all that you bring to the table." Yes, we should say it every day. Do we? No.

What is there to hate about a day that is dedicated to love and cherishing the people in our lives? Nothing. 

Oh, and if you're lucky enough to spend today with your spouse/significant other and you're still going to sit there and pout - shame on you. Do you know what I would give to be able to be mushy and sentimental with my husband today? Don't take things for granted. People would kill to have what you have.

And if you still hate Valentines Day for reasons x, y, and z then fine - go ahead and be bitter and sullen. I'm going to sit here and eat my chocolates and cuddle my dog while looking through my wedding pictures, and staring at my flowers sitting in the corner. I'm going to be as mushy and sentimental as I can today, and I'll love every second of it. 

So today girls, do everyone a favor, and just admit that you love flowers, chocolates, and attention and let's all join in on this day long celebration of love <3

---


























I went on a walk with Maggie Girl today :)

Whenever I got back to my house. This is what I found: 

Hubs has been in the field all week, and I haven't been able to even talk to him. So I honestly just expected this holiday would pass by just like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years did - yes, cue the pity party for myself.

So whenever I saw this I seriously just melted. No words for what this boy does to my heart. He knows how to spoil me and let me know how much he loves me, even in his absence. I am the most blessed girl in the entire world - and I thank God for this every single day.

What a man, what a man, what a man - what a mighty good man <3

Beautiful Sadness

We celebrated my uncle's 50th birthday this past week. His wife and kids threw together a little surprise party for him - including a video of his life. I stood up at the front of the church waiting for him to come in (mostly because I wanted to play with my new camera). While up there I started looking around at all of the people who had come to celebrate a life well lived. Different faces all representing stages of life that my uncle had lived, and lives that he had touched. When he walked in and registered what was going on the shock on his face was priceless - because how often do you get to see what an impact you had on people? How often in our lives do we stop and take stock of our lives and what we're leaving behind us as we walk our daily life?

The video started and the pictures started flying across the wall. I watched as I saw my uncle go from a young boy, to a teenager, continuing into a husband, father, and grandfather. While others laughed at the funny pictures, and some cried as the memories came flooding into view, I simply sat - lost in the story of a life. A life of ups and downs - a life full of living. And while I was sitting there, all I could think about was how badly I want that.

I want to live my life. I want to have memories that will keep me warm at night. Memories that will make me leave teardrops on my pillow - not out of sadness, but out of sheer thankfulness. I want to live a blessed life, that is a testament to my children and grandchildren. I want to live a humble life that inspires my neighbors and friends. I want to live a life full of an indescribably once in a lifetime love, that my husband will always know how important he is. I want to live a life where when I look back in 50 years, I know that I did it right. And when I go home at night there will be teardrops on my pillow from a beautiful sadness.

Because I know that some people don't get this chance. And I know that whenever you are given a chance to live that kind of life that it is overwhelming beautiful and sad all at the same time.

So tonight while I peruse through Pinterest, pinning things about my future children and future home, while I imagine what my life will be one day, and what our children will look like - I pray that I start to take time and be thankful for where I am now.

Because I can't get there, without being here first.

And I'm okay with that. 

Our lives are going to be amazing. And when I'm 50 I can't wait to be holding Sam's hand while our children sit in front of us, and take stock of this life that we created. "Look at what we did," I'll say. And he'll squeeze my hand like he always does. Words won't be necessary, because we'll just know. And we'll just sit and absorb the most beautiful sadness that this life has to offer. We'll be thankful for our lives and sad for those who aren't as fortunate.

Then we'll get up, and the moment will pass, and we'll go on.

"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be"

- Robert Browning

Please Remember

Sam & I have been talking all week. We’ve talked about the past and the future – about falling in love and staying in love. From the first time we met all the way up to our wedding day. The ups, downs, and those days in the middle where it seems nothing spectacular has happened - but how I love those days in the middle. All of this talking has led me to one conclusion…

I never want to forget.

I never want to forget how I felt the first time I saw him get out of his car, and the night we sat and talked for 8 hours, never running out of things to say. I never want to forget our first kiss, the nerves and excitement. I never want to forget moving to Lexington and getting my first taste of being on my own, independent. I never want to forget how absolutely terrible those months were when I had mono, and Sam took care of me night and day. I never want to forget the struggles of paying rent, bills, and groceries – and those times when all we had were each other. I never want to forget the pain I felt the day he left me for Parris Island, or the strength I discovered I had waiting just below the surface. The pride I felt watching him graduate, watching him become the man I always knew he could be. Seeing him walking toward me to hug me for the first time in months. Locking eyes with him as I walked down the aisle to become his bride. Sharing whispered I love you’s & pillow talk that lasted throughout the whole night and week to come. Times whenever the words seemed to come so fast that it seemed impossible to tell each other everything we needed to say, or the times whenever words were unnecessary.

I’ve struggled so hard with starting this blog. I’ve wondered what to say and how to say it. I’ve also struggled coming up with a name, so bear with me on that one. Where do I start, and where do I draw a line. What can I say that would be inspiring to some, but more importantly help to calm me as I enter this phase of my life.

I used to write all the time. It was a catharsis – MY catharsis. But time marched on, and somewhere along the way I lost this part of myself. I lost the ability to put words on paper and it somehow start to help everything make sense. But in the last week everything changed and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it and make sense of what my life is now going to consist of. So, here goes nothing.

The last week of my life has been the most amazing and overwhelming week of my life. Three long months of no contact, and then suddenly there he was in front of me. No longer the person that I had known and lived with for two years, but this man of purpose, and passion, and pride. I didn’t even recognize him at first. My heart was so full of love and admiration… I didn’t even know it was possible to be that enamored by someone. But one day later while walking up the aisle (okay, down a set of stairs and up three little baby ones) I realized it was. The love and pride I felt watching him graduate the day before had been surpassed by the sight of this man, this Marine, looking at me. The look in his eyes… I never want to forget. I never want to forget holding his hands and looking into his eyes and knowing with every core of my being that we were doing the right thing. The feeling that we were destined to stand in front of all of our friends and family and say our vows – but we had already made those vows a long time ago. Long before January 12, 2013 I had already promised to love this man in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse. Not only that, but I had vowed to love him in presence and in absence.

That’s a vow that is all too present in our relationship currently, but we went into this life knowing that. Whenever Sam first left I thought that I may lose my mind – a piece of myself was missing and I had long since forgotten how to be without him. But one night I found a quote, and suddenly everything was in perspective again:

“Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.”

Our love is a bonfire. It consumes every single part of who I am. It’s a love that can keep me warm on the coldest of nights, whenever the absence seems all too prominent. It lights up my nights with the hundreds of memories that I so desperately do not want to forget, on those nights when the darkness tries to creep in. This love that I have is greater than anything I’ve ever known, and it will be our guide as we navigate this new part of our lives.

So, I suppose I still don’t know what the future holds, and I still don’t know what to say about anything. All I know is that I have to keep all of this down, because I just don’t want to forget. I want to always remember where we came from, and the excitement of not knowing where we’re going.

But most importantly, I never want to forget how completely and totally blessed I am to have been given the life I live, and the opportunities that have presented themselves throughout my life. I am blessed to have been given a family that has loved me through every aggravating and impossible stage of my life. I am so blessed to me married to an honorable man, who I manage to fall more in love with every single day – though I sometimes feel inadequate of the love he bestows. I am blessed… so completely and overwhelmingly blessed.

And I never want to forget that.