i remember

today is a day that i'm supposed to stop and remember what i lost.
if only it were that simple. because it seems to me, that i remember every day - that i couldn't forget it if i tried.

but today people all over the world are stopping and lighting candles, sending up prayers, saying thanks, and crying tears of grief.
today the world stopped for a few minutes in remembrance of you.
how powerful that is.

it's easy to feel alone.
to feel as if no one else understands - oh, but they do.

i wish no one understood. i wish no one ever had to feel this pain - this hurt deep inside.
a dull ache to remind me of what i had.
a reminder of what i don't yet have.

sweet baby, you were all i ever wanted. please know, that every day that passes i think about the person that you would've been. i know one day that i will see your face - and somehow i know deep inside, that you'll be looking at me with that same smirk that your dad gives me.
that smirk that melts my heart.

i know you're at the feet of Jesus. i know there's no place on earth that could possibly compare - even though selfishly sometimes i would trade anything to have you here with me. you're in the best place that you could possibly be - and as a momma, isn't that what we always want for our children? to be healthy. never sad. always young, beautiful, and happy. you have that, my sweet, and i could never dream of taking that away from you.

you are so precious to me. i love you.
He is holding you tight for me until i get there.